Libby Baker Sweiger

Weaver of Everyday Tales

I Just Don’t Want To Be There…LOL

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” — Woody Allen — I have a little take off on this quote: “I’m not afraid of depression, I just don’t want to be there when it happens!” LOL — Libby Baker Sweiger

I have had bi-polar disorder, some of you may know for quite a few years. Since my early 20’s. That is when it usually manifests in a persons’ life. I have not been unusual in that way. What has been remarkable is that I have enjoyed a very high level of functioning nearly the whole time I have lived with this thing. So, while we are not friends, BP and I, we have a certain peaceful coexistence and you won’t hear me grouse about it much.

But I will admit to all of you and expose to the light of day that I have a low tolerance for depression. I really don’t like it. Mania isn’t fun for me, a bit scary, but depression I hate. If you don’t see me for a while, you may want to come looking. There’s a chance I’ve withdrawn because I’m depressed.

Eeek I hate to see the words, or even write them! Perhaps exposing this to the light of day is just what was needed. What could happen to make a happy extrovert withdraw from those they love? Something dark and dreary that should be kicked to the corner, gotten angry with and told never to return. Banished from the mind and heart.

But, its insidious self doesn’t leave easily. For now I’m enduring a med change and asked to wait. The threat of the hospital looms over my head. But I’m not going. I’m relying on God and all of you to pull me through in love.

I’m staying busy working, writing Christmas cards, helping others, loving, trying to make a difference…thrusting myself out into the world whether it feels right or not. Today I’m going to mom’s to do the Christmas cards I ordered for her to send out. We’re going to have fun doing them together!

My daughter is coming this weekend. I’d prefer this didn’t come up. I hope I will have normalized enough to keep my moods to myself and focus on the fun at hand and the delightful prospect of seeing my dear girl.

Hope with me will you? Thanks!

One of the pictures on mom's cards

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6 thoughts on “I Just Don’t Want To Be There…LOL

  1. Libby, you haven’t lost your touch! This is a very good post, I’m sure it will be used to lift others up. Clinical Depression is like the guy that fought the windmills, the enemy only existed in his mind. Where is Sancho when you need him. Medicine, friends, the Word of God and prayer are the only tried and true weapons to take into battle.
    You just made me realize I’m going through it and didn’t put it together. I’ve been hold up here in my room for a week now except for appointments, I was in my robe all day today. The good thing is that it was explained to me that this type of depression is manageable, I acknowledge that it is only a counterfeit emotion, and that seems to get me back on track. It’s kind of like the spirit that tells you that you are not good enough to serve Christ, we know that spirit is a deceiver and we have the word of God to absolutely flatten it every time it sticks it’s lying head up. use that same power to flatten the depression, it is a liar and the truth will make you free.
    I am so happy to have you as a friend and even though I’m far away physically, I am right there by you in the peanut gallery cheering you on! all my best to you my precious sister in Christ.

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    • Thanks for your comment Tom and your encouragement. Prayer is so important during these times. I want to emphasis too that we must not forget to seek out the treatment of a good doctor. Chances are with depression that medication may be required and there is certainly no shame in that. I thank God that I have been born in the day when they had such remedies! Take care Tom and let me know how you are doing. Check on me as well! 🙂

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  2. As Someone who suffers from the malady myself. I can relate greatly to what you wrote here. A large issue for me was the denial that there was anything wrong with me , that I was overwhelmed and tired and I would feel better if I “pushed” through it. Sometimes, it worked but other times, it merely made things worse. It took a great deal of thought and effort for me to realize that it was more than just a casual malady , that is was a serious condition and seek help. I finally did and I am much better for it.
    Coping with a mental disease is difficult but living with one without benefit of diagnosis and treatment can make it a hell on earth. It saps your energy, strength and will. It will force you to make bad decisions that could have a profound effect on your life.
    The point is that living with the condition is difficult but you can mitigate the effects with help; a support group like good friends and family, your faith , a good therapist and even medication are just some of the remedies. Recognition that you have a problem is probably the most helpful, it is often the first step in the journey to recovery. Thank you for your writing of the matter, Libby and allowing me to add my commentary.

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  3. Thank you for sharing your experiences so honestly Joe. Honest discussion on a subject people like to avoid can go a long way to lifting taboos and drawing people into facing something they could be denying in their lives. I’m glad you moved past denial into seeking help and I applaud your courage. I wish this little blog had wider readership, so more people would read about this timely subject. Suicide of course is the mean end of the most severe depressions and what everyone must be made aware of. Far too much of that has been happening in Social Media and in our world in general. We need to do everything we can to stem the tide. Talking about it certainly is a beginning.

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  4. I hope with you, in Him, our Lord Jesus Christ. Prayers ascend and another hug shall not be far off. 🙂 Blessed be, Libby.

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  5. Thanks Mark! 🙂 I look forward to another visit from you to those of us in Minnesota and collecting on that hug! 🙂

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