I Just Don’t Want To Be There…LOL
“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” — Woody Allen — I have a little take off on this quote: “I’m not afraid of depression, I just don’t want to be there when it happens!” LOL — Libby Baker Sweiger
I have had bi-polar disorder, some of you may know for quite a few years. Since my early 20’s. That is when it usually manifests in a persons’ life. I have not been unusual in that way. What has been remarkable is that I have enjoyed a very high level of functioning nearly the whole time I have lived with this thing. So, while we are not friends, BP and I, we have a certain peaceful coexistence and you won’t hear me grouse about it much.
But I will admit to all of you and expose to the light of day that I have a low tolerance for depression. I really don’t like it. Mania isn’t fun for me, a bit scary, but depression I hate. If you don’t see me for a while, you may want to come looking. There’s a chance I’ve withdrawn because I’m depressed.
Eeek I hate to see the words, or even write them! Perhaps exposing this to the light of day is just what was needed. What could happen to make a happy extrovert withdraw from those they love? Something dark and dreary that should be kicked to the corner, gotten angry with and told never to return. Banished from the mind and heart.
But, its insidious self doesn’t leave easily. For now I’m enduring a med change and asked to wait. The threat of the hospital looms over my head. But I’m not going. I’m relying on God and all of you to pull me through in love.
I’m staying busy working, writing Christmas cards, helping others, loving, trying to make a difference…thrusting myself out into the world whether it feels right or not. Today I’m going to mom’s to do the Christmas cards I ordered for her to send out. We’re going to have fun doing them together!
My daughter is coming this weekend. I’d prefer this didn’t come up. I hope I will have normalized enough to keep my moods to myself and focus on the fun at hand and the delightful prospect of seeing my dear girl.
Hope with me will you? Thanks!44.957939 -93.430759Advertisements